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“Kiran, can I please have some coffee?” – he yelled across the room as I was folding up clean laundry, the smell of the fabric softener calmed me down, I was just jittery all the time nowadays…especially every time his phone buzzed. Who is he getting so many calls and messages from? Aren’t we supposed to work from home a.k.a take a goddamn stay home holiday, bond with your family? I guess not in Karan’s case. I left the room to join him for a cup of coffee, he always liked the way I made coffee, since college you know? The key is to first add coffee powder, then sugar, then just a few drops of water and then mix really well in order to form a paste – after that when you add water, it froths on its own. I have been following the same trick since my mom taught me during my board exams. As we sipped our coffee in silence, his phone buzzed…he looked away knowing full well a lecture was coming his way about how OUR time shouldn’t be taken over by ‘phone time’. I liked that he respected that, *buzz*…wow I hope it isn’t something important, I’m sure it isn’t…even if it, so what? The office can wait, we’re spending quality time here! I leaned in to borrow a smoke from him, as I took a drag, *buzz* Sigh…whoever this was, wasn’t going to let me enjoy my time now, were they? “How’s the coffee?” I asked, “The same” said Karan. ‘Same’ isn’t a compliment or an insult. Come to think of it, it’s how our marriage was actually – same old married couple, with same old problems, living their same old life. Did he ever consider an out? Well, I hope I could have given it to him sooner, maybe then it would be less painful. You see time tends to make things difficult, *buzz* sometimes a lifetime is not enough to spend with your soulmate and then sometimes 2 years seem like a never-ending curse of time. I can see he’s growing uncomfortable, he’s coughing, I’m sure he wants to go to the loo so he could check his phone. That sly bastard! Oh no, he’s falling off his chair! His eyes are rolling and I can clearly see his mouth frothing up!!! Well, at least I still haven’t forgotten my mother’s coffee recipe…wow his body is vibrating just like his beloved phone *buzz* oh shut up you, damn phone. Let me quickly grab this phone to see who is it that’s disturbing our little episode

<Reema> Hey Karan! Are we still on for Lolavla this weekend?
<Reema> Can’t wait to show you what I bought, it’s lacy and racy! Just the way you like it
<Reema> By the way, I told Kiran I’m going to a yoga retreat in Mahabaleshwar, make sure to tell her you’re going someplace faaaaar! I don’t want her to suspect anything!
<Reema> I really don’t know what you saw in her? When I was right there next to her! Wish you had picked me instead!

He sure wishes he’d picked you too, Reema. Enjoy your yoga retreat!

*Delete all messages in this thread*

 

 

Purple Haze

She walked around the party with a cosmo in her hand, who are we kidding it was cranberry juice with tiny bits of ice floating on the surface that you could hardly see. One look and you could tell her presence in this party was also like the ice in her glass…barely seen. As she moved around unnoticed – or so she thought, she found a quaint corner to stand and play her favourite mental game – Who do I think she is. Sitting right across her was Natasha – the college sweetheart. Everyone wanted to be Natasha. The way she talked, walked, sang, danced even to a point where people had a filter of her get-ups on Snapchat. But here’s what she thought of her. Natasha loved the attention, behind the trauma of her parents splitting up and her highschool boyfriend turning out to be gay, Natasha loved to hide the fact that she absorbed the energy from all this attention. Why, if one sees people for who they are they could see her hiding the light scars on her arm, not even near her wrist, it was where she would wear her watch, (given to her by the Dalai Lama apparently when she went on that Buddhist tour with her cousins) so that if anybody was asking her for the time, she’d know it was time for her to narrate her sob story. They would see her saying no to photos being taken, while she takes a few selfies without him knowing. Him being – Rahul. Now Rahul was an ever-charming gem of a guy- getting straight A’s in college and playing the lead in the drama club’s productions – is what everyone took away of Rahul. If only they realllly saw him for what he was. After drama class, he would take the same bus as our cranberry juice holding protagonist – get off at Elphistone and walk to Kala Ghoda to meet up with a few friends. Those friends aren’t from college, they’re his druggie friends. Sheesh! Wouldn’t want to get mixed with that crowd, I mean talent has to come from within doesn’t it? Just because he smokes up and sings like an angel on acid, doesn’t make him talented. Makes him dependent. Dependent on substances to help him shine. And well she wasn’t dependent – she didn’t need alcohol to gather the courage to speak to people, people were dumb! She didn’t need a drag of whatever was going around the room to be fun, fun was over-rated! She already had what it took to be in the spotlight. She just chose to stay away from the spotlight. It was tempting though, imagine the person she would be – a little carefree, without responsibilities and her mind floating in clouds. She had a plan you see but won’t it be nice – Giving The Life Plan a bit of a detour and doing what makes her the happiest – Baking!! It would be amazing to open a bakery, but what would dad say? All these years in college to open a bakery? She felt her head buzzing with just passive smoking – but hey getting sidetracked, and would you look at the time? Just then she got pulled into a group picture – “Here’s to saving this for the next 20 years” – said Natasha. Meh 20 years, she didn’t want to remember Natasha or this bunch of idiots tomorrow!… *Click*

Look at them, with their teeth shining brighter than the laser lights in the room, eyes bright with hopes and dreams! And look there I am – sceptical. Sceptical of my peers, my choices, my life – when I knew I was the one in control. But was I really? So much time had passed since that picture was taken I thought…now sitting in my very own flat, in a haze (purple haze if you must) flipping through my old college album. It felt surreal to look back and see myself judging them all, for having the time of their life, for something if given a chance, I’d go back and live again. It’s quite a haze but I remember what it felt like back then, how it would complete me seeing my peers failing to complete themselves. It was something I felt proud of and if only I knew then, that life can’t be put together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. It’s more like a blank canvas, where we splash paint and if the masterpiece doesn’t look good, we just tear it apart and start over. Yes, we do lose time and paint and patience – but we finally gain our very own masterpiece.

Suddenly we hear a loud request – “Hey mom, can I please have another cupcake?” “Sure baby, let me make one for you, but don’t touch the brownies – those are specially made for Rahul uncle, he and Natasha aunty will be coming soon to pick them up” –  I said, the cranberry juice holding protagonist of the story as I stubbed my joint in the ashtray.

Variety

A life without choices…we can’t even imagine that being a possibility today! We want our choices and we want our variety. From an ice cream flavour to its toppings – we love getting the option to pick and choose. It’s funny, but our life has started to revolve around variety and yet there is something we crave to have in ‘singular’. 1 life partner. The chosen one. The significant other. Riya had gotten just that -she thought while she drank her favourite latte on a rainy day. She looked over to her Number 1 – Aman. The man had it all, she thought. Happiness, anger, excitement, and so much more. She would never settle for vanilla, she wanted a good mix of it all. She fondly thinks of that 1 time when Aman gifted her that precious emerald necklace and she thought to herself “Wow, never thought I’d be the one collecting jewellery that sparkles so much”. It wasn’t her favourite stone – sapphire, but it was special. She remembers the shine in his eyes when he gifted it to her, she could see that glimmer and wished it lasted forever. Diamonds are forever so how long are emeralds for? – she thought while fixing the clasp of the necklace…it broke a few days back you see…when Aman picked a fight with her. He grabbed the necklace and flung it on her dressing table! And all that for what – she thought…but never had an answer. To make up for that, they went out for makeup ice cream, her favourite – Baskin robbins. Riya knew that Aman adored her love for variety and felt proud of the fact that she never settled for just 1. Here they were, eating ice cream and forgetting the toxicity that led to this memorable evening. On the drive back home she saw tears in Aman’s eyes. She tried to comfort him, but he didn’t take to it. It’s crazy just a few minutes back he was laughing about his recent Goa trip and now it feels like the story was told to her in a different lifetime. The mood had changed and there wasn’t much she could do about it. Lying in bed that night she knew she had to be true to herself, this wasn’t working out like she expected. It was time. The next day she took Aman for a long drive. It was necessary – she said and she believed it. For all the love she had for variety she knew this was something she couldn’t handle anymore. It was difficult, but she had to assure herself it was for the better. As she drove him to the clinic, she thought to herself – It was probably her desire of variety and options that led her to Aman. If only she knew then that his Bipolar disorder would eventually have her wanting singularity in every aspect of her life, how different her life would be now. Riya drove off from the clinic with mixed emotions and saw a Baskin Robbins, she stepped out to treat herself to a scoop of vanilla. It’s what she needed right now.